Of Broken Hopes and Shattered Hearts

Saturday, November 25, 2006

I gagged myself into realizing that I have become hazardously cheesy. Reading my previous posts, I wanted to seclude myself from this world from pure and utter embarassment. Although deleting said posts are deliciously tempting, it is not an option because it serves the purpose of documentation. Hence, I am forever to suffer the consequences of my post breakup sappiness. *Sigh* Enough with the regrets, lets start anew.

I wanted to try out for the Collegian, just for the heck of it. I know my writing is sooooo not journalism material (or of any good material at all) and for some reason, I have let my life revolve around books and sudoku, anime and music (I'm living under a rock and social awareness is soooo not my thing) -- yet, I am here, wishing that I had my chance of joining the staff(although deep inside, somewhere at the back and sensible part of my brain, I now I wont make it). I just wanted to have a "whack" at it and for some divine reason, I wasnt able to get an application form. God surely work in mysterious ways -- this time, saving my ego from self-demoralization. Its divine intervention, one way or another.

Anyway, life as I have said, is temporarily (hopefully) mundane. I live under a rock and I dont have a clue with whats going on with others' lives or the world. I dont even hangout with my "orgmates" anymore. I primarily have 2 companions during school days, Tope and Ting, and we plan to alienate ourselves from the UP Manila community and once again try to shift to UP Diliman. Hopefully, by the time February comes, I already know what I want to do although that task itself of knowing what to do is almost impossible. Oh how I love the challenge of it all.

I wanna see Borat! The dude is uber funny or at least thats what I perceived of him after seeing him sexually harass Martha Stewart on Leno.


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Im almost done with Kundera's Unbearable lightness of being and after that, I'll be reading Huxley's A Brave New World. Right after that, I got Gaiman books to read (about 3!) and then theres Albom's The 5 people you meet in heaven. And I have exams to do and papers to write.

As you can see, I am on a mission to kill myself or at least deep fry my brain (not that Im compaining really). Reading books are bliss!

Tralalalalalalala. . . . . . .

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dear God,

Why are all these things happening to me? I know I'm smart (or atleast thats what my parents keep telling me) but how come all this shiznit keep happening? I dont understand. Or maybe I do, I just dont do anything about it. And only you know how much I want to change but I cant. Why?!

Please help me.

Love, Dominique

Once again, Im falling into the pits of the dark world of depression and angst. *sigh* Sometimes, I just hate UP so much!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Its Monday and Im almost late. Im getting tired of Bernadas' sense of beauty or his lack of it. Why cant he just notice me? *sigh* I am soooooooooo effed up. Im still in a PC shop because the internet at our house hasnt gone back yet. Packing storm... >:z

I murderously cut my hair and turned my long, split-end-prominent hair into a short gross kind. I hated it at once but now, Im just getting used to it. James said that it was better if I was bald but he immediately took his statement back when he saw the look in my eye -- I would actually do it. Mwahahahahaahahahaha. I overslept.

Bagyo Milenyo was CRUEL!!!!! New Manila is now officially semi bald because the trees just flew up everywhere, being uprooted and shit. New Manila's aesthetic value has waned. I'm thinking about Forbes though... how are their trees? :c

Im so random today. la la la la la la la la la la la.

Victoria's Court is soooooo cool!!!! It wasnt the cheap, dirty motel I thought it was. Why I was there, dont ask. Or ask. Whatever. Lol. Basta, nakakatuwa sa Victoria's Court. Mwahahahaha! Yuckie!!! :D

Im not happy. Just hyper. Theres a difference.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

We're officially through. I've got nothing left from him except the memories we've made -- they'll be kept safe somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart.

But I'd rather forget than reminisce.

I've never known that heartbreaks could be worse than any physical pain.

Now, I know.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I've learned a very valuable lesson today -- a lesson, encompassing those of anxiety apprehension, aggregated demand, monetary or fiscal policies. A lesson more obvious than the nose on the middle of your face or the toes on your foot. A lesson as basic as the simplest arithmetic yet as incomprehensible as an unfathomable rhetorical question.

Being in a relationship is effing hard work.

So when we start arguing for the nth time in this wretched week, I get pissed, I curse, I smoke, I drink. I get so effing messed up that I'd just tell myself to quit and break up with the moron. And then, he talks to me, approaches me. We fight, we scream, we humiliate ourselves in public.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

In the end, when the humid air from the tension settles down, when there are no more words to say to each other, when there is no more room for anymore negative emotions to make the situation any more worse, the issue just settles and the tension evaporates. The clouds seem to part again, giving way to the garish light of some freaking metaphorical light source and then, all of a sudden we make up.

You say your share of 'I love you's and then,you suddenly realize: Hardships make everything worth it.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

I've seen people come and go and normally, when they go, they never come back... or at least that intimate and sincere concern doesn't. You may act as if nothing really happened, but come on, no one could really deny the awkward silence and the thick, heavy air suddenly appearing as if you were on the top of some Himalayan atmosphere. Lets face it -- broken friendships may as well never become friendship again.

And so it goes, I am having another pessimistic view on the vicous process of this so-called friendship. Im 18 and still I cant effing understand how all of this goes and how it all happens. I'd hate to accept the fact that I am quoting this, but yeah, "I'm clueless".

Love issues on the other hand have become considerably challenging and confusing. One minute, we're okay, the next, we're not. How can just being with someone become this hard? I mean, you're just with someone, how hard can it be? Maybe I'm a dunce for not being able to manage a simple relationship. I mean, HE loves me and could, at any moment, sell his soul for my welfare! And what do I do? I start a conflict in every little fold of imperfection I can see. I am difficult and trust me, thats an underestimation. . . . .

And then, academically speaking, I am failing... little by little, disregarding the sheer relevance of studying. Not only am I engrossed to sleeping but I have absolutely dedicated my time to self-ruination and utter devastation.

Sooner or later, when my conscience has gone and my soul has turned into this black entity of nothingness, maybe I'll decide to kill myself.............

..... or sleep forever.